Wednesday, October 31, 2012
The Dreaded "C" Word
I didn't know you no longer had to wait for results of mammograms but let me tell you when they think they find something, they speed the process up! Immediate sonogram and she whipped out the measuring stick. Then came the words "biopsy"! If you know me well you know I have had a horrid fear of needles since I was 14 and had those awful cordizone shots in my hip. I just could not imagine a needle going into my beloved boob! I asked for professional opinion at this point. She could not even look me in the eye. Her words were, "I am very concerned". My immediate response was, "This is not a good time!" she asked why and I told her I was getting married in 60 days. All she could do was pat me on the back. All that could think of was where were the positive attitude? where was the lets wait and see? where was the these things are usually benign?
Four days later they had me arrive half an hour early for the biopsy. This is pityful and please do laugh. They gave me valium and they covered my face so I would not see the needle! The worst part was, they would not allow Tim to be with me. But they kept me talking about my love of all kids (nephews included).
Here is the hardest part, waiting. I read that the stress a woman goes through waiting for biopsy results creates the SAME amount of cortisol as woman actually having breast cancer! Go figure! Six days is way too long to wait. This time they allowed Tim to be with me, but you could only imagine what was going on in my mind when they left us alone in the room to wait for the doctor. She immediately said, you have breast cancer. Wow. I looked at Tim, he went white (he doesn't think so). I sat straight up on the edge of my seat and said what do we do? They assigned Jennifer as my advocate that will handle everything for me. The doctor hugged me and I gave her a piece of advice. I told her to work on her game face. Come on, yall know me, I just had too!
This has all been so overwhelming. From here I hope to blog often to keep everytone informed of what is going on and how I am feeling. I apologize up front if I am too honest for you but this is me. I am raw and vulnerable right now. If you don't like, please don't read it and just pray for me instead.
I love each of you with my entire heart. Please email me, text me keep sending me pictures of your beautiful families. I need all the positives I can get!